Alan: Heeeee’s Back!

Posted on May 30, 2023 by cattalespress under 12-Step Program, a spiritual life, Affirmations, Aging, American Dream, Angels on Earth, Courage, Death, disciplined non-conformist., Do Not Be Afraid, emotions, Faith, Faith Muscle, Faith-O-Meter, Fellowship, Fourth Dimension, Friendships, Good over evil, Gratitude, grief, grief relief, Grieving, Healing of Memories, hope, humor, inspiration, inspirational messages, joy, Living through death, Living through personal crisis, Meeting your needs, mindfulness, Natural above Normal, NEVER EVER GIVE UP!, NEVER GIVE UP!, one day at a time, Positive Change, Positive thinking, positive words of encouragement, Safe Space, Self-Care, self-value, Serendipity, Serene-diptious Moments, Sing a new song, Soul Food, spirit-filled life, spiritual inspirational thoughts, spiritual transformation, Struggles, Suicide Loss Survivors, The God Channel, To thine own self be true, transparency, Unconditional Love, Unsung Heroes, Vulnerability, What you resist persists

Over a week ago when I attended The Four Tops/The Temptations concert, I ran into a friend, Bill, whom I hadn’t seen since my dear friend Alan’s memorial service in October of 2022.

During intermission, Bill and I had a chance to talk. He was also close to Alan and was the bass player in his rock and roll band. Now, Alan was not only a loyal drop-everything-to-help-you-out kind of friend to both of us, but he never failed to fish out the humor in everything, even in what could have seemed the darkest and murkiest of waters. Sometimes when I’m particularly down, I reach out to text Alan.

Bill informed me that the band reorganized about nine months after Alan’s tragic death and proceeded to tell me an interesting story. Following countless hours of rehearsal and preparation, they had recently managed to book a gig at a local night club venue.

The night of the show, Bill pulled up to the venue. He was suffering from a particularly bad case of anxiety. As he was moving his equipment from his car, he rested the sheet music for the songs they planned to play that night on the roof of his car. It was an unwise decision, especially after a wind advisory had been issued. All of a sudden, the music sheets flew wildly away. Bill was in a high-traffic area and despite his best efforts, he eventually gave up chasing after them. He felt like he had been punched in the gut, and didn’t know whether to cry or dart home.

In a flash, he heard a loud and distinct roar of laughter. It sounded somewhere between an irritated seagull and a child who was being tickled. He could pinpoint that laugh anywhere: It was Alan’s laugh!

Alan’s contagious laugh filled the air and Bill couldn’t help but join in. He raised his head to the sky and yelled sarcastically, “Oh, shut up!”

Time was running out, and now he had to deal with a band member standing right in front of him. The band member’s stern face made it clear that this was no laughing matter. But instead of panicking, the band member offered Bill a helping hand and showed him the way forward.

For Bill, the first note of the band’s set was like a portal into another dimension. Bill felt an overwhelming sense of joy and excitement. At the end of the first set, the band members were mesmerized by Bill’s performance. He had never played so well before and without any sheet music.

The band members all clamored at once. “We’ve never heard you play so well. What’s up? You even played a song we threw in that we’ve never performed. It was like you played it hundreds of times before. What’s up?”

Bill’s face lit up. “Really?” Everyone continued to stare at him in awe while waiting for his response. “I guess all the practice we did payed off, and I felt like Alan was here, playing with us.”

Everyone glanced at each other. “You mean you could hear him?” One of the band members asked, breaking the silence.

Bill nodded. “Yeah, I heard him laughing when I lost my sheet music in the wind. After that, it was like he was right here on the stage next to us.”

The band members looked at each other again, this time with smiles on their faces.

“Well, I guess we know who our lucky charm is,” one of them said, grinning.

And so, with Alan’s spirit cheering them on, the band played their hearts out that night. And the crowd loved it.

After the show, Bill was approached by a woman who told him that she had lost her husband a few years ago. She said that he had also played the bass and she kept seeing him instead of Bill.

“It was so uncanny, I couldn’t stop myself from laughing. I’ve had a rough time since losing him and for the first time, I feel like there’s hope in the future that I could never see with him gone.

Bill smiled. “Yeah,” he said. “Seems like there are a lot of funny spirits around today.”

The woman smiled back. “I’m glad I came to the show,” she said. “It’s given me a lot to think about.”

Bill nodded. “Me too,” he said.

“Thank you.”

Bill smiled. “You’re welcome,” he said.

The woman smiled back and then she was gone.

Bill watched her go, before he turned and walked back to the band. They were all gathered around, talking and laughing. Bill smiled as he joined them. He knew that Alan would be proud of them.

And he knew that Alan would always be with them, in spirit. Suddenly, he understood that sometimes faith was best studied without relying on scores or written notes.

Let it Roar, Let it Roar, Let it Roar

Posted on May 23, 2023 by cattalespress under a spiritual life, Affirmations, Aging, American Dream, Angels on Earth, disciplined non-conformist., Do Not Be Afraid, emotions, Faith, Faith Muscle, Faith-O-Meter, Fellowship, Fourth Dimension, Good over evil, Gratitude, grief relief, Growing Up, Healing of Memories, hope, humor, inner voice, inspiration, inspirational messages, joy, Living through death, Living through personal crisis, Long-Term Coping Strategies, Meeting your needs, mindfulness, Natural above Normal, one day at a time, Positive Change, Positive thinking, PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder), Safe Space, Self-Care, self-value, Serendipity, Serene-diptious Moments, Simple Pleasures of Life, Sing a new song, Soul Food, spirit-filled life, spiritual inspirational thoughts, spiritual transformation, Struggles, The God Channel, To thine own self be true, transparency, Vulnerability, What you resist persists, zen

Last Saturday night, I attended a concert by two legendary Motown groups, The Four Tops and The Temptations. The concert was at the Hartford Healthcare Amphitheater in Bridgeport, Connecticut.

The day of the performance, it rained heavily. As we moved closer to showtime, we began to wonder if we should even venture outside into the inclement weather. We were also irked that the amphitheater had not made the decision to cancel the show.

“Listen, if these groups, in which two of the original members are now in their 80s, are willing and able to perform, we can get a little wet to go see them,” I said to my life partner and two friends, who were going with me.

I pulled out a leopard rain jacket in my closet that my dear friend Michelle had gifted me and was ready to rock and “roar.”

After a few setbacks and delays, we finally made it to the theatre, a bit wet and ruffled, and a half hour late. Thankfully, the staff had moved our “outdoor” seating to under the theater’s roof.

Duke Fakir, who is 81, is the last original member of the Four Tops, and the opening act, clearly revealed that his energy does not lack. The band played all of their classic hits, including “Reach Out I’ll Be There,” “I Can’t Help Myself,” and “Baby I Need Your Love.” The crowd sang and danced along; it was as if we didn’t have seats under us.

The Temptations took the stage next, and they performed their greatest hits, including “My Girl,” “Papa Was a Rolling Stone,” and “Just My Imagination.”

Otis Williams, the founder and last surviving original member of the group, at 81 years old was still smooth and powerful after playing with the group for 63 years. The other original band members had tragic endings that included dying by illness, suicide and succumbing to alcoholism as well as drug addition.

Otis and Duke had been through many difficulties in their lives, but they never gave up and because of their tenacity, I was up off my seat, transported in a time machine that cut through orbits of sorrow, heartache and PTSD, only to transport me back to the late 1960s. I remembered feeling the soft cashmere texture under my kid’s bare feet from a white carpet imprinted with lime green leaves at my parent’s colonial. A prominent attorney had replaced the carpet in his house with a new one. He then gifted the old carpet to my proud Ukrainian-born immigrant father, who worked as his landscaper every Saturday after a full week of working his day job. The carpet represented my father’s hard work and determination and was a symbol of his hope for a better future for his family.

Next to my bare, young feet in the hallway, I visualized Brother Paul’s shiny black shoes gleaming in the florescent light. The two of us were dancing to my mom’s console stereo blaring Motown hits. He held up his finely manicured hands for me to admire. I glowed in his pride that beamed from his face knowing he was probably the only kid in our neighborhood who would take the train into New York City to do something so unconventional. But he didn’t care. He dared to be different.

Twisting our hips from side to side, shaking our shoulders, clapping our hands and pounding our feet into the lime green ivy imprinted white carpet, my ten-year-older brother who introduced me to Motown music gave me a newfound freedom. I was freed from the punishing God our family raised us with. I was freed from the bullies at school who made it known that I was not allowed to breathe the same oxygen as them. Freed from teachers who rarely, if every spoke my Americanized name. And I was freed from sitting on a branch of our big oak tree, contemplating a final leap from a world that opened up the way.

Motown music was a means to connect with my brother and to feel like I belonged somewhere. It saved me and gave me faith like nothing else ever did, and that’s how I felt again at the performance last Saturday night.

Otis paused during his performance to address the audience. He told us that he and his band were not the stars. We were. We were the ones who kept them going. He proceeded to thank us for coming out to see them even in the rain. All I wanted to do was yell back at him and say, “And you, you, young fellow in spirit, have kept me going. You truly are a star, a humble one at that. You let it roar.”

As he started singing and dancing, I twisted my hips and shook my body over and over, while revolving flash backs wrapped around me.

By the end of The Temptations’ performance, it stopped raining and the air turned crisp and pure. It felt like anything was possible at any age, under any circumstances, if you never give up on your dreams. We bounced down the street, singing along to the Temptations’ songs, free. With my leopard jacket hugging my body in its warmth and music reverberating in my head, I felt convinced that anything and everything were possible.

Awash in Mindfulness and Faith

Posted on May 16, 2023 by cattalespress under a spiritual life, Affirmations, Angels on Earth, Courage, disciplined non-conformist., Do Not Be Afraid, Dreams, Embrace Change, emotions, Faith, Faith Muscle, Faith-O-Meter, Fellowship, Fourth Dimension, Good over evil, Gratitude, grief relief, Healing of Memories, hope, humor, inner voice, inspiration, inspirational messages, joy, Living through death, Living through personal crisis, Long-Term Coping Strategies, Meeting your needs, Mental Health, mindfulness, Natural above Normal, one day at a time, Positive Change, Positive thinking, Prayer & Meditation, Problem Solving, PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder), Relationships, Safe Space, Self-Care, self-value, Serendipity, Serene-diptious Moments, Simple Pleasures of Life, Sing a new song, Soul Food, spirit-filled life, spiritual inspirational thoughts, spiritual transformation, Struggles, The God Channel, To thine own self be true, transparency, Vulnerability, What you resist persists, zen

^{Photo by RDNE Stock project on Pexels.com}

Last night, I was writing my weekly blog post when I realized how sad I was feeling. I was writing about solemn topics, which is perfectly acceptable, but as the midnight hour approached, the blog post was starting to weigh on me and obnubilated my mood. I decided to switch gears and started to write about something entirely different. By the time I finished the new blog post, I had awakened my funny bone. In one way this was a positive thing; on the other hand, I was a bit annoyed that I was wide awake in the wee hours of the morning. 😂

What inspired the complete turnaround was that earlier in the day, I had read something I had no awareness of: laughter is a way of being mindful; you can even say that it’s a form of meditation. I hadn’t thought of laughter as a form of meditation before, but it makes sense. I mean, if we examine mindfulness: it is the practice of paying attention to the present moment without judgment. When we laugh, we are fully present to the moment. We are not thinking about the past or the future. We are simply enjoying the moment.

Of course, who doesn’t know that laughter is a powerful thing? When we laugh, our bodies release endorphins, which have mood-boosting and pain-relieving effects. Medical studies show that laughter can also help to improve our immune system and cardiovascular health.

The “funny” thing was, the same day that I read about laughter was when an appliance repair person was scheduled to fix our washer. And, of all people, at all times, he turned out to be a pop-in comedian. Oh, that’s right, he wasn’t a comedian, he had “a PhD from Vermont: a Paper Hanging Degree.” 😂

As he was fixing the washing machine, he painted a hysterical picture, sprinkled with a whimsical accent, that conveyed his recent trip to Italy where he drove over 1,500 miles from the southern to northern part of the country. How vividly I saw him sitting cross legged, with a tall, lanky Al Pacino stature, sipping wine in the same chair that he sat in while playing the starring role of The Godfather.

I mean, man, did I have a lot of afternoon mindfulness. I even recalled Tuscany, one of my bucket list places on a list I had nearly forgotten. Suddenly, I was inspired and as if ready to climb the Apennine Mountains, I could taste its fresh legumes, pasta and cheese (I no longer eat meat). I felt the beaming smiles of its friendly people. Inhaling its burst of sweet oxygen made me feel hopeful and optimistic. I realized that I could live with the limp of PTSD, and a number of other limitations, but still inch my way forward – or if need be, press the “restart” button.

Through all my thoughts and feelings, toppling over with humor, I even learned how to load the washing machine properly so it (hopefully) wouldn’t break down again.

Anyway, I started to think more and more about laughter and our comedian-appliance guy, and realized how we connected through the funny side of life. (Although I wouldn’t want his mom in Portugal to hear how he described her as having a big, square wine barrel body, a heavy mustache crowning her lips and nylon stockings that she tied in knots at her knees! 😂)

I started thinking that if laughter could connect people, then it could be a way to connect to something much bigger – bigger than ourselves. Whether we call it a higher power, God, or “All There Is,” there is something bigger than ourselves, such as the Apennine Mountains, that we are all connected to. And when we laugh, I believe we are acknowledging that connection. We begin to open up to the joy and wonder of life while expressing our gratitude for all that we have.

Anyway, not to sound too esoteric, leave it to the appliance guy to reinforce that the best medicine – and meditation – really is laughter. After a roller coaster of a weekend, it took his humor to level me. Switch things around and jump start a blog I had not planned on writing.

There is no doubt that laughter can help us find hope in the midst of despair. In this way, laughter can act like a tip-top washing machine, cleansing our saddened hearts and minds with its healing power.

Stop “Shoulding”

Posted on May 9, 2023 by cattalespress under 12-Step Program, a spiritual life, Affirmations, Aging, American Dream, Courage, Crisis, Death, disciplined non-conformist., Do Not Be Afraid, Dreams, Embrace Change, Faith, Faith Muscle, Faith-O-Meter, Fellowship, Fourth Dimension, Good over evil, Gratitude, hope, inner voice, inspiration, inspirational messages, joy, Long-Term Coping Strategies, Meeting your needs, mindfulness, Natural above Normal, one day at a time, Positive Change, Positive thinking, Problem Solving, Relationships, Safe Space, Self-Care, self-value, Serene-diptious Moments, Simple Pleasures of Life, Sing a new song, Soul Food, spirit-filled life, spiritual inspirational thoughts, spiritual transformation, Struggles, Swamp of the soul, The God Channel, To thine own self be true, transparency, zen

Have you ever had an experience with someone who seems to know you better than you know yourself? That’s how I feel when I encounter my neighbor Eli Louise who constantly seems to fold herself into my stratosphere like a bur on your ankle socks that you can’t loosen no matter how hard you pull at it. She has no idea about me or my life, but within seconds after running into her yesterday, she was setting forth directives that she deemed were tailored to my needs.

A.YOU should retire. B. YOU should sell your house. C. YOU should move into a condo.

I work hard not to take Eli Louise personally. She “shoulds” all over everyone she meets.

Before I offered a reply to her momentous pronouncements, I felt the solid ground beneath my feet. I looked her in the eyes. To summarize what I said, it basically amounted to something like people who feel out of control internally often try to regain a sense of control by controlling the people and situations around them.

After I said this, she immediately shifted the conversation to lamenting about the people she had met the previous weekend. Fortunately, I managed to escape the situation and her tornado of toxicity.

Surprisingly, gratitude managed to penetrate my ruffled state. I realized that despite her attempts to sound superior, I knew that I was the one who was truly fortunate. She may have thought she was the one reaping the benefits of wealth and retirement, but I had a different perspective. I intrinsically knew that true peace of the mind could not be bought or obtained through the material world. True peace is an inner state of being that must be cultivated from within.

How? By making a conscious choice and decision on a daily basis to stay close to our true selves, away from the chaos of everyday life. It also helps to stay clear of those who “should” all over us. They are not helpers. They distract us from what truly matters by flooding us with their own insecurities.

And so, there I was after my brief encounter, feeling pressured to feel “I should” live up to certain standards of success and happiness. In my fury, I planned to write a seething blog post about Eli Louise and describe the indignation of being judged by a self-righteous person, and how it felt infuriating and demoralizing. I also wanted to explore why judgmental people are only a reflection of themselves and how to deal with them.

But then I asked myself, “WHY? WHY invest the time and energy to focus on negative forces?”

I mean, it’s easy to get overwhelmed by the Eli Louises in the world. However, with a little faith, we can shift our perspective and fill our lives with meaning instead of siphoning our spirits with the “shoulds.”

Besides writing a blog post focused solely on my negative emotions regarding Eli Louise, I decided how I could incorporate my feelings and use them as an opportunity for personal growth. However, I procrastinated and put off writing by going on FB, which I rarely do and, lo and behold, I found the following image that perfectly encapsulated the next steps for me to take.

The rest of the day I spent in a scavenger hunt style, combing through the trash and panning for gold – the things that truly matter in my life, such as writing this blog post as I wore my Bombas socks that my childhood friend, Anna, had sent me as a “Just Because” gift this past winter. Sipping a freshly brewed cup of steaming coffee that was so pure, I easily imagined the smooth beans cooling my palms as I held the cup in my hands.

I was further rewarded to get to bask in the sun’s rays in my home office and feel the sturdy winds from the open window that moved around me – forces at work in the world that reminded me how they were beyond my control. The realization made me appreciate the beauty of nature, and its power to bring a sense of solitude and peace to my life – even without the luxury of retirement.

Nitrogen 4 U

Posted on May 2, 2023 by cattalespress under 12-Step Program, a spiritual life, Affirmations, Courage, Crisis, Death, disciplined non-conformist., Do Not Be Afraid, Dreams, Embrace Change, Faith, Faith Muscle, Faith-O-Meter, Fellowship, Fourth Dimension, Good over evil, Gratitude, grief, grief relief, hope, inspiration, inspirational messages, joy, Living through death, Long-Term Coping Strategies, Meeting your needs, mindfulness, Natural above Normal, NEVER EVER GIVE UP!, NEVER GIVE UP!, one day at a time, Positive Change, Positive thinking, Problem Solving, Relationships, Safe Space, Self-Care, self-value, Serene-diptious Moments, Simple Pleasures of Life, Sing a new song, Soul Food, spirit-filled life, spiritual inspirational thoughts, spiritual transformation, Struggles, Swamp of the soul, The God Channel, To thine own self be true, transparency, zen

Last week when I took my car in for service, I decided to spend an extra thirty dollars to fill the four new tires I purchased with nitrogen instead of air. For me, my car is especially meaningful because it was originally my son’s. He started the tradition of taking special care of this car, which he bought shortly before his passing, and I am proud to carry it on in his memory.

The service manager, Darren, who is likely the age my son would have been, had asked me if I wanted to continue using nitrogen in the new tires the mechanic was putting on my car. He explained that nitrogen, unlike air, is a much more stable gas and is less affected by temperature swings. Other gases, alternately, expand with heat and contract with cold, causing the tire pressure warning light to come on when colder fall temperatures hit. Nitrogen is becoming increasingly popular in the tire industry as it can help to extend the life of tires and to improve their performance.

In the moment of agreeing to the question at hand, I spontaneously added that we should all get a spurt of nitrogen inside us. This statement may have seemed random and out of place, but it actually was a reflection of my belief. When we take the time to reflect on our values and beliefs, we create a sense of balance that helps us maintain a harmony within ourselves regardless of what happens in the world around us. It may feel impossible at times, but with a little faith, anything is possible. At least, this is what I started learning nearly 39 years ago.

_{Image by WikimediaImages from Pixabay}

Darren was taken aback by my suggestion. He paused to consider what I had said and after a few moments, his face lit up with delight as he replied, “You’re right.” Then he added, “You know nitrogen makes up a part of the air we breathe.”

After we both reflected on the concept, he turned around and bee-lined back to his work area. This instance was an example of how even the smallest moments can have a profound impact on our lives.

While sitting alone in the waiting room, I heard guests on a TV talk show in the adjoining room shout and spew insults at one another. At once, I contemplated nitrogen with a new set of appreciative eyes. I thought about how rhythmic breathing is a powerful tool for managing stress and anxiety. It can help us to accept life’s challenges, foster resilience, and cultivate peace of mind.

Since I was four years old, reading a variety of books has been an integral part of who I am today. Thanks to my dear friend Bruce, who in the 80s introduced me to a book, Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning, that profoundly influenced me. The book was published in 1946 and chronicled the author’s experiences as an inmate in the Auschwitz concentration camp during World War II. This book provided me with an insight into the power of resilience and the strength of the human spirit. Frankl’s idea that our greatest freedom is the ability to choose our attitude at any instance in life has always resonated with me. It serves as a reminder that we have the power to choose how we respond to any situation, no matter how heart-shattering it may be. I always imagine Frankl escaping the atrocities around him by playing a birdsong in his mind, and experiencing a moment of peace and joy by tapping into his imagination that broke through and penetrated his reality.

Below is a quote from the book in which the author silently converses with his wife in his head.

The guard passed by, insulting me, and once again I communed with my beloved. More and more I felt that she was present, that she was with me; I had the feeling that I was able to touch her, able to stretch out my hand and grasp hers. The feeling was very strong: she was there. Then, at that very moment, a bird flew down silently and perched just in front of me, on the heap of soil which I had dug up from the ditch, and looked steadily at me.

The more I thought about Frankl and all the other random ideas, the more I realized the metaphor of how nitrogen works and how we can also take in the hardships of life and breathe out peace. It is the balance of our wheels, both physical and metaphorical, that gives us the strength to keep rolling even when the sky falls like a sharp shard of ice in the split center of our head.