In the same vein as my recent blog post, Bow-Tie Breakthrough, I clearly remember the first ominous sign that things were about to change in the idyllic world of my poetic imagination.

While making my way towards the entrance of a now-defunct men’s clothing store in our hometown, I found myself juggling my toddler daughter and son. As I approached the main door, a seemingly healthy and muscular man in his thirties made no effort to move out of our path or open the door for us. He stood there resolutely, with an air of entitlement reminiscent of a lamppost that compelled me to turn sideways to gain entry into the establishment.

Initially perplexed by this behavior, anger was not an emotion that suited my state at that moment. Nonetheless, as I ruminated on this incident later that day, I became incensed trying to fathom why someone who appeared physically capable would not extend even so much as common courtesy towards a young mother by simply stepping aside or opening the door for her!

Fast forward through the decades, and the nameless man who refused to open the door of the onetime men’s store somehow opened the door on a symbolic nemesis that had infiltrated my world like an old-fashioned hobo sneaking aboard a caboose on a train.

One example of the insidious adversary, far from appearing as a hobo, who presented herself as an affluent and entitled middle-aged woman at a grocery store a few years later, refused to allow me to go ahead of her at the bottle return — although she had about thirty bottles while I only had two. Was this justifiable?

Another incident, soon after, involved a parent-teacher conference that was divided into fifteen-minute intervals, the entitled couple in our well-heeled suburb that preceded my ex-husband and me consumed ten minutes of our allotted time as we waited patiently. Why did they do this? We were perplexed as we assumed that each pair would receive their full fifteen minutes. However, when it came to our turn, we were granted merely five minutes before being hastily dismissed from the premises. (Thankfully, there were no significant matters to address concerning our son; otherwise, we would have insisted on utilizing the entire duration allocated to us.)

As previously mentioned, my ex-husband frequently voiced his favorite adage: “Don’t expect anything and you won’t be disappointed.”

The first time I heard him say it, I was stunned but did not allow the sword of an idea to penetrate my idyllic world of my poetic imagination —  until a certain and final act of self-centered conduct shattered it.

I think the day I woke up to smell the coffee, as my dear friend Bruce had often suggested during my youthful and carefree years, I stepped into insolation (detachment) rather than isolation (seclusion). It was the day when I met head-on the selfish act of my ex-husband’s aunt, which I’ve already elaborated on in previous blog posts. The day she felt entitled and justified to close the door on me and my daughter’s soul by shutting us out and declining our plea for moral support following our firsthand experience with tragedy after having already endured countless hardships.

I suppose it is the day when I lost faith in people, but in the subsequent years that followed, remarkably, gained it in myself. Instead of plummeting down, I rose up into a place of acceptance and peace, not to mention a deeper realization of gratitude.

Fast forward to about a month ago when I was driving one evening and noticed headlights flashing behind me. Despite this, I chose to ignore what I assumed was another adversary poised to disrupt my existence. However, the vehicle pulled up next to me and revealed a male and a female inside. Even so, I pretended not to see them as I did not want any kind of altercation for something unknown or unintentional on my part. After spending over a minute attempting to grab my attention without success, they eventually gave up and drove away — much to my relief. It wasn’t until later that I realized they were trying to signal me that my car lights were carelessly turned off.

Following this incident, it saddened me how one would expect strangers only pose threats rather than good deeds; however, it served as an example of how Richard’s statement in Bow-Tie Breakthrough, rings true for me: “This is not my world anymore.”

Collectively, the abrasive experiences, though, have not led me to abandon the use of affirmations or positive thinking techniques, but rather opt to exercise prudence and safeguard myself. In essence, I am embracing a universal truth that many already acknowledge — Darwin’s theory of survival of the fittest. I joke around to my friends and say if I have grandchildren, I will teach them all about Darwin’s theory first and foremost.

My late brother Mike, who was a highly decorated Vietnam Veteran, and whom I’ve frequently written about, categorized people into two groups: draft dodgers or non-draft dodgers. War aside, when you truly contemplate it, who would risk their own life for others? Although my brother did so himself, I doubt many people would do the same. I don’t know if I would!

As a matter of fact, (let’s go back to the topic of war for a moment), only recently did I learn about the Confederate conscription law during the Civil War that allowed draftees to hire someone exempt from the draft to replace them — this could be someone under or over the mandatory conscription age or one whose trade or profession exempted him; even foreign nationals were eligible. The fee was $300 and obviously only affordable to those with wealth, such as Andrew Carnegie, one of the richest Americans in history (In fact, I read about the Confederate conscription law in Carnegie’s Maid by Marie Benedict, but that’s another story!). Many casualties were substitutes who tended to be young men aged 18 or 19 years — old enough to serve but too young to be drafted — representing some of society’s most vulnerable including Irish citizens seeking “a better life.” This all helped me understand why my father warned me about those hiding behind privilege and degrees since it is simple for such individuals to manipulate their way ahead without any regard for morality or ethics.

However, there is an upside midst all this downside …

Soul! Seriously.

The essence of our being transcends the hustle and bustle of commerce in the world, enabling us to reconnect with our inner selves. Furthermore, the part that connects us to something bigger than ourselves — you can call it Good Orderly Direction. It is what gives us purpose, meaning and fulfillment in life. And among all the negativity and manipulation that can come with the Darwin-versed modern world, privilege and degrees, it is our soul that can keep us grounded and true to our values.

When we focus on nurturing our soul, we become more resilient to the challenges that come with what we deem as success. We are able to stay humble and grateful for what we have (or think we have) achieved, rather than becoming arrogant or entitled. We are also more likely to use our presumed success for good, using our resources and influence to make a positive impact on the world around us — and sometimes all that it means is opening the door for another!

So while it may be easy for those with privilege, as well as those who feel entitled to dominate and manipulate their way ahead, it is ultimately their soul (or lack thereof) that will determine their true success in life. As my father warned me, never underestimate the power of a strong moral compass and a well-nurtured soul.