Lessons Learned From Lobster Skin

Posted on April 30, 2024 by cattalespress under 12-Step Program, a spiritual life, Affirmations, Aging, Angels on Earth, disciplined non-conformist., Do Not Be Afraid, Dreams, Embrace Change, Faith, Faith Muscle, Faith-O-Meter, Family, Fragility of Life, Good over evil, Gratitude, Grieving, Growing Up, Healing of Memories, hope, I need a miracle, inspiration, inspirational messages, joy, Letting Go, Living through death, Living through personal crisis, Meeting your needs, Natural above Normal, NEVER EVER GIVE UP!, Positive Change, Positive thinking, Problem Solving, Sacred Space, Safe Space, seasons, Serene-diptious Moments, Sing a new song, spirit-filled life, spiritual, spiritual inspirational thoughts, spiritual transformation, Struggles, Suicide Loss Survivors, The God Channel, To thine own self be true, transparency, trauma, Unsung Heroes, Veterans, Vulnerability, zen

Growing up, I idolized my older brother Paul. Between his army years, he was the fearless chef, whipping up magic at a fancy seafood restaurant while I fumbled plates as an underage waitress serving alcohol (those were the days when labor laws weren’t always scrutinized!).

My vivid memories not only include him teaching me the restaurant trade, but the laughter of summer afternoons spent on the water fishing with the daredevil captain in his motorboat, and his joyous yell – “Look at me, I look like a lobster!” – as he emerged back on the boat after a spontaneous dip in Long Island Sound, his skin flushed from the sun.

Years flew by. One year, we cleared out some of our excess in our parents’ house for a weekend garage sale before I left for college. Our family had decided that all proceeds would go towards my college fund. It was while hammering a garage sale sign onto a utility pole that my irritation with Brother Paul, chain-smoking beside me, reached a boiling point.

“You can’t do anything without lighting a cigarette, can you?” I lashed out, a cigarette smoker myself at the time, but come on, you could take a breath in between!

Brother Paul, ever the chain smoker, lit another cigarette in reply to my remark. (Little did I know this would be one of his last packs and he would quit soon enough, cold turkey.) The point is that this dynamic happened to be part of a familiar pattern. When something about him rubbed me the wrong way, I’d lash out. The cycle would then repeat, with the roles occasionally reversed. Repeat.

In my youthful naivety and fierce independence, I took family for granted, assuming it was an unchanging fixture in the ever-shifting world. We think we have endless time in the world to say sorry, to mend fences. But life offers no such guarantees. That mindset, needless to say, wasn’t a recipe for a strong relationship with Brother Paul. My early twenties were a whirlwind, and while I eventually made significant amends to him and his wife, Diane, the harsh words exchanged left lingering scars. Let’s face it, neither of us were perfect back then.

Certainly through the years, we took each other for granted, assuming “lobster skin” resilience. We forgot about the fragility woven beneath the shell. This fragility, often ignored by our “get-up-and-go” culture.

This truth hit home recently when Brother Paul faced some health challenges. While the details are private, it was a wake-up call that I actually experienced in slumber. Recently, I had a dream where I tried to comfort him with empty promises of “everything will be alright.” Yet, a chilling voice whispered the truth: “No, it won’t.”

I brushed off the dream, hoping it wasn’t a portent of something terrible. However, it did serve as a stark reminder of life’s impermanence. The truth is, even for the most devout and faith-filled, the finality of death can be a difficult pill to swallow. We crave a pause button, a chance to hold onto forever. But the reality is, life is finite.

At the moment, everything has simmered down. However, Brother Paul’s recent health struggles unleashed a wave of guilt and regret for some of our past words and actions. We also found ourselves acutely missing my son Marshall. His absence magnified the emptiness in our already dwindling family circle. Yet, amidst the pain and turmoil, the experience also ignited a spark of hope. Hope that we would have more time to rebuild a stronger bond, filled with shared laughter that once turned us both lobster-red.

So, here’s my two cents’ worth after being zapped by this most recent wake-up call. Take a deep breath, reach out to those you love, and truly listen where judgment has no place. There are stories waiting to be told, adventures waiting to be had, and sun-kissed swims yet to be taken.

Don’t wait. Embrace the present moment. Yell, “Now is all we have!” Dive into the vast ocean of life now, because even its seemingly endless depths have their limits.

Soul Food Kitchens

Posted on April 23, 2024 by cattalespress under a spiritual life, Aging, An Attitude of Gratitude, Angels on Earth, disciplined non-conformist., Dreams, Embrace Change, Exposure Therapy, Faith, Faith Muscle, Faith-O-Meter, Family, Friendships, Good over evil, Gratitude, grief, grief relief, Grieving, Growing Up, Healing of Memories, hope, I need a miracle, inspiration, inspirational messages, joy, Letting Go, Living through death, Long-Term Coping Strategies, Lost youth, Meeting your needs, mindfulness, Natural above Normal, NEVER EVER GIVE UP!, one day at a time, Positive Change, Positive thinking, positive words of encouragement, Problem Solving, Recipes for Life, Sacred Space, Safe Space, seasons, Self-Care, self-value, Serene-diptious Moments, Simple Pleasures of Life, Sing a new song, Soul Food, spirit-filled life, spiritual, spiritual inspirational thoughts, spiritual transformation, Strength through Stories, Struggles, Suicide Loss Survivors, The God Channel, To thine own self be true, trauma, Vulnerability

Sometimes life’s curveballs land right between you and the people who once mattered the most. When you are young, navigating the complexities of life and friendships, your emotions can get tangled up in arguments and hurt feelings. Distance may create walls that seem impossible to climb. But the aging process has helped create a shift in some of my most difficult relationships. I believe this change is because we are beginning to view the world through a different lens, one etched with the wisdom of time and the stark reality of life’s impermanence.

A few weeks ago, for instance, a group of us had gathered for a brunch at my house that reminded me of the incredible power of time and forgiveness.

The atmosphere was electric – in the best way possible. We reminisced about old times, poked fun at each other with gentle jabs. We listened to stories, to dreams simmered and unshaped, the paths we’d taken as a result. What struck me most was the overwhelming sense of love. In spite of all the tough times, we were still here, still connected by a shared history. Everyone left that brunch feeling lighter, closer, and reminded that even the most strained relationships can be nurtured back to health, like a wilted flower receiving a much-needed shower.

A friend once shared a truth that stayed with me: in the kitchen, surrounded by the murmur of conversation, a home finds its heart.

A week after the brunch, I received a thank-you note from one of the group. It was a simple gesture, a few heartfelt lines, but one sentence struck a chord deep within me: “Your house is so warm.”

It might sound simple, but those words meant the world to me. Throughout my life, I’ve always dreamed of having a “warm house.” The warmth I’d craved wasn’t about square footage or architectural style. My desire resided in a place that radiated not just heat, but feelings of belonging, comfort and love.

And here I was, feeling as if I was living the dream. The recent brunch served as a sweet confirmation of our 23-year journey, filled with joyous celebrations and moments of shared sorrow. An important reminder of the enduring connection that fills every corner of my house.

The world around us might change, relationships might evolve, but some things remain constant: the fragility of life, the power of forgiveness, and the enduring warmth of a welcoming home. A place that reflects the camaraderie shared not just in meals to feed the stomach, but in the nourishment of “soul” food exchanged and savored.

Birthday Wishes Across the Stars: For Brother Mike

Posted on April 9, 2024 by cattalespress under a spiritual life, Aging, Angels on Earth, Dealing with special occasions, Death, disciplined non-conformist., Do Not Be Afraid, Dreams, Embrace Change, Faith, Faith Muscle, Faith-O-Meter, Family, Good over evil, Gratitude, grief, grief relief, Grieving, Growing Up, Healing of Memories, hope, I need a miracle, inspiration, inspirational messages, joy, Living through death, Living through personal crisis, Long-Term Coping Strategies, Meeting your needs, Natural above Normal, NEVER EVER GIVE UP!, one day at a time, Positive Change, positive words of encouragement, Relationships, seasons, Self-Care, Self-Compassion, self-discovery, self-value, Sibling Death, Soul Food, spirit-filled life, spiritual, spiritual inspirational thoughts, spiritual transformation, Struggles, The God Channel, To thine own self be true, transparency, trauma, Validate Your Feelings, Veterans, Vulnerability, zen

Not much different from today, the 70s boomed with a culture of body shaming, fueled by a relentless push to sell magic formulas for a beauty standard that was as warped as the false eyelashes and diet pills I clung to. The “miracle pills” whittled me down to a frail 102 pounds, a desperate attempt to mold myself into something peer-approved pretty.

You, on the other hand, Mike, were the pragmatist. Your words were few, but each one landed with the weight of your well-worn cowboy boots sinking into the good earth. I can still picture the glint in your eyes, even then, as a young man, when you asked me as I batted my extended lashes, “What ever happened to natural?”

Natural? The concept flew over my bleached-blonde hair.

Turns out, dear bro (and maybe you knew this all along), I wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed. It took me five whole decades to finally grasp the meaning of “natural.” It wasn’t just about rejecting the miracle products and noise from greedy marketers, but also the well-meaning (but often misguided) voices of family and friends anchored by their faith (or traditions), trying to mold me into their own images.

Finally following your lead, I, at last, retreated inwards, finding solace in the quiet and contentment in the slow burn of a candle. This newfound space helped free me from external manipulation, my decisions stemmed from the deepest well of my being – my soul, (sadly, a missed opportunity for my son). In this way, a new understanding of myself blossomed within me, carried on the wings of redemption, faith, and the quiet hum of grief. It was a womb-like homecoming – a return to the essence of who I was always meant to be. Like the tulips, daffodils, and hyacinth that pushed through the warmed earth, bold and bright as jewels. In the process, I embraced myself. Judgment and distortions disappeared. A sense of liberation bloomed – a feeling as light and airy as the warm breeze that chased away the last of winter’s chill.

This personal freedom extended to giving others space. I let go of my ego. Of “fixing” prayers and forced agendas. Life, I found, often worked in mysterious ways, guided by a hand far more divine than mine and impossible to understand fully.

So, dear brother, thank you for planting the seed of the concept of natural in my heart. These last two years, in particular, are showing me that the overdue path for my true self is now under construction. Looking back, I see the past woven intricately together, not by chance, but by a divine hand that holds mine with compassion.

Specifically, since January 2023, I have lost over 35 pounds, all on my own without any drugs or shaming or a doctor’s fearful words. Out of the blue, I “happened” to have fallen upon the program NOOM (disclaimer: I’m not affiliated with them), and it has changed my life.

It wasn’t about quick fixes – NOOM focuses on behavior change and mental well-being, which resonates with me. NOOM’s app uses science and personalization to track food and lifestyle choices, promoting healthy weight loss and long-term habits, which I’ve incorporated into my life.

Sharing my initial progress with only one person backfired when they dismissed my one-pound weight loss after a month on NOOM. But I tuned out the negativity and continued to focus on myself. Every pound since then feels like a major victory on this amazing journey. Ultimately, losing weight isn’t just about the numbers on the scale. It is part of my powerful journey of self-discovery, because, as I already mentioned, I alone have claimed what was so loving and freely given to me all along: my authentic self. (While it looks like the naysayer is headed for a knee replacement, I am not, at least not at the moment!)

Just as amazing, too, and completely by happenstance, today also marks my one-year anniversary of becoming a pescetarian! There was no pressure, no specific date in mind – it just happened. (Plus, this time, I kept my secret to myself, secured in my judgment-free zone!) And that’s when I realized the most profound aspect of this journey: sometimes, the most meaningful changes come about organically, like a nudge from a higher power that reigns over all the super human powers.

My inspiration for this eating shift had been brewing for a long time, fueled in part by your gentle spirit and by my amazing daughter, Alexandra. She’s been a vegetarian since she was just eight years old, and at 29, she’s still a passionate advocate for animal welfare. Witnessing her compassion has brought the joy of spring to me every season, her dedication is always rubbing off on me. Then there’s my niece who’s poured her heart into working at an animal sanctuary early every Sunday morning for over a year now.

From the start, I felt a deep conviction about my dietary path. Then, just a few weeks in, a fantastic article in the New York Times, Peter Singer: Fix Your Diet, Save the Planet, practically fell into my lap, seemingly confirming my intuition. Since I gave up eating animals, even on days when the world feels like a relentless battle, I go to bed knowing I’ve made a positive impact, however small.

So, big brother, you were right – “natural” truly is beautiful. Maybe that’s why I find such joy in aligning myself with the universe’s flow, dancing with it rather than resisting, keeping my world free from the super human powers that get in the way and cause an accident.

Today, on what would have been your 78th birthday, I celebrate not only your life, but also the newfound vibrancy in mine. Who knows, maybe next year on your birthday, I’ll discover another divinely inspired way to move through the world that can sometimes feel so serious, a joyful expression in your memory.

But for now, I raise a glass (sparkling water, please!) to you, brother, to my incredible daughter and niece, and to the life I’m so grateful to share with them and all of you. Let’s weave faith into the unexpected twists and turns of life, and see what beautiful and unique tapestry emerges. Regarding that natural process, I’m profoundly grateful. Now, I can simply rest and watch the masterpiece unfold.

Happy Birthday, bro!

Salty Renewal: Reconnecting with Nature on the Beach

Posted on February 20, 2024 by cattalespress under a spiritual life, Courage, death of a child, disciplined non-conformist., Do Not Be Afraid, Dreams, Embrace Change, emotions, Faith, Faith Muscle, Faith-O-Meter, Fourth Dimension, Friendships, Good over evil, Gratitude, grief, grief relief, Grieving, Healing of Memories, heartbreak, hope, I need a miracle, inspiration, inspirational messages, joy, Letting Go, Living through death, Living through personal crisis, Long-Term Coping Strategies, Loss of a Child, Meeting your needs, mindfulness, Natural above Normal, NEVER EVER GIVE UP!, one day at a time, Out of Order Death, Positive Change, Positive thinking, positive words of encouragement, Prayer & Meditation, Problem Solving, Relationships, Sacred Space, Safe Space, seasons, Self-Care, self-value, Serendipity, Serene-diptious Moments, Simple Pleasures of Life, Sing a new song, sorrow, Soul Food, spirit-filled life, spiritual, spiritual inspirational thoughts, spiritual transformation, Struggles, Suicide Loss Survivors, The God Channel, To thine own self be true, transparency, trauma, Validate Your Feelings, Vulnerability, What you resist persists, zen

The wind howled, whipping my hair into a frenzy as I stood on the familiar shoreline of Sherwood Island State Park. It was one of the windiest days of the winter, yet there I was, drawn by an unseen force to this place of memories from my young adulthood, offering me once again a refuge I desperately needed.

Suddenly, tears welled up, hot and heavy. Tears for George, for the loss of a dear friend, for the fleeting nature of youth, and for the profound absence of my son, gone too soon just over four years ago. It were as if my defenses had crumbled, leaving me raw and exposed to the harsh winds of life.

The release of pent-up grief became a cleansing storm, mirroring the fury of the wind around me. And then, nearly an hour later, something shifted. Exhausted, but paradoxically refreshed, I looked around. The wind still raged, but the world seemed sharper, more vibrant and my senses heightened, my heart open to the raw beauty of life.

_{^{Sherwood Island State Park, Copyright © Stacy Lytwyn Maxwell 2024}}

In that moment, faith wasn’t about words or doctrines. It was about the wind in my hair, the sand beneath my sneakers, the immensity of the ocean stretching out before me. It was about feeling fully alive, without restraints or judgments, simply existing in the present moment.

_{^{Copyright © Stacy Lytwyn Maxwell 2024}}

As I returned to my car, three small, smooth, white stones caught my eye, each one whispering tales of the sea. They were like perfect replacements for the missing ones I’d left at my son’s gravesite – the ones inscribed with our family’s names, now likely swallowed by the earth. Clutching the newfound stones in my palm, I carried them back, already picturing them marked and repurposed. It felt like a symbolic victory, a reclaiming of strength after weathering the storm.

I realized the wind still felt strong, however there was a lightness to it that intensified my sense of victory. I had faced my pain, embraced the rawness of life, and emerged feeling more connected, more alive than ever before. The beach buoyed me up as it always had and reminded me that even in the midst of grief, life persists, an ever-changing evolution, ever-renewing, just like the tide rolling in and out, forever constant, forever powerful.

Remember, your faith may not look like someone else’s, but it doesn’t make it any less valid. Trust your own journey, find solace in the unexpected, and know that you are never truly alone.

In the Pause, All is Well

Posted on February 6, 2024 by cattalespress under a spiritual life, Affirmations, Aging, Angels on Earth, Courage, disciplined non-conformist., Do Not Be Afraid, Dreams, Embrace Change, Faith, Faith Muscle, Faith-O-Meter, Fellowship, Fourth Dimension, Friendships, Good over evil, Gratitude, grief, grief relief, Grieving, Healing of Memories, heartbreak, hope, I need a miracle, inspiration, inspirational messages, joy, Letting Go, Living through death, Living through personal crisis, Long-Term Coping Strategies, Loss of a Child, Meeting your needs, mindfulness, Natural above Normal, NEVER EVER GIVE UP!, one day at a time, Positive Change, Positive thinking, positive words of encouragement, Problem Solving, Relationships, Sacred Space, seasons, Self-Care, Serendipity, Serene-diptious Moments, sorrow, Soul Food, spirit-filled life, spiritual, spiritual inspirational thoughts, spiritual transformation, Struggles, Suicide Loss Survivors, The God Channel, To thine own self be true, transparency, Validate Your Feelings, Vulnerability, zen

Life, isn’t it a curious thing? One moment, basking in the warm hum of sunlight, the next, trudging through knee-deep burdens and sorrows. Shoulders that once held dreams become stooped under the weight of worries, the ache in our hearts echoing the echo of unanswered prayers. We carry loved ones lost, dreams delayed, anxieties that whisper tensions into our ears.

That’s how I feel often, like a melody stuck on repeat, minor key and somber. Even the sunlight seems to carry a nameless weight that is all too familiar. Then, in the midst of that personal symphony of despair, on my way to George’s funeral mass, a song washed over me, unexpected and pure. “Only Passing Through,” it whispered, sung by voices I didn’t recognize, The Taylors, they called themselves.

Since I first heard it that morning on the radio, I’ve been listening to it, a gift of faith in the midst of mourning. I haven’t looked the group up, purposefully. This song, it carries no dogma, no sermons veiled in melody. Metaphorically, you can say that it simply sings of journeys and departures, of resting places beyond horizons. You can say that it speaks of life as a passing train, each stop a pause, a goodbye laced with the promise of a hello.

When the darkness presses in, the chorus of “Only passing through” rises, a gentle reminder that this isn’t all there is.

The song helps me to get through the noise, take a moment, close my eyes. Listen. I find peace in knowing that I am just at another bend in the track, leading me closer to that final, glorious station, bathed in the light of eternity.

P.S. Maybe one day I’ll look up The Taylors. But for now, I’ll pass. Clear mind, open heart, and a whispered ‘all is well’ at the moment.

Gold in the Rubble: the Art of Kintsugi

Posted on January 9, 2024 by cattalespress under 12-Step Program, a spiritual life, Affirmations, Angels on Earth, Asking for help, Courage, disciplined non-conformist., Do Not Be Afraid, Dreams, Embrace Change, emotions, Faith, Faith Muscle, Faith-O-Meter, Fellowship, Fourth Dimension, Friendships, Good over evil, Gratitude, grief relief, Healing of Memories, hope, I need a miracle, inspiration, inspirational messages, joy, Kintsugi, Living through death, Living through personal crisis, Long-Term Coping Strategies, Meeting your needs, mindfulness, Natural above Normal, NEVER EVER GIVE UP!, New Year, one day at a time, Positive Change, Positive thinking, positive words of encouragement, Problem Solving, Relationships, Sacred Space, Safe Space, seasons, Self-Care, self-value, Serendipity, Serene-diptious Moments, Sing a new song, Soul Food, spirit-filled life, spiritual, spiritual inspirational thoughts, spiritual transformation, Struggles, Suicide Loss Survivors, The God Channel, To thine own self be true, transparency, Unconditional Love, Unsung Heroes, Validate Your Feelings, Vulnerability, What you resist persists, zen

Imagine this: a cherished ceramic vase, shattered into a hundred pieces. Grief hangs heavy in the air, mirroring jagged shards scattered across the floor. However, instead of discarding the wreckage, you choose Kintsugi – the Japanese art of mending broken pottery with gold. Using careful hands and a patient heart, you join the pieces, each gilded seam tracing the story of the vase’s fall and rebirth.

I mentioned the art form in last week’s blog. Kintsugi, meaning “golden joinery,” is more than just a repair technique; it’s a philosophy. It celebrates the idea that brokenness is not an ending, but rather a new beginning, infused with unity and strength. In the same vein that I wrote about last week, what if we applied this philosophy to our own lives, especially when they feel tragically broken and faith seems like a distant dream? Especially when we believe our brokenness defines us.

How do we apply kintsugi in our own lives? The first step is to stop pretending the cracks don’t exist. Ignoring them only prolongs the suffering. Let the tears flow, let the anger roar until it dissipates. Then, with courage, reach into the depths of your pain, your vulnerabilities, your struggles. Only then, through this act of bravery of facing what hurts the most, can the healing begin.

The next phase of the process is to embrace the imperfections. I get tripped up in the fact that our society often glorifies the “perfect,” airbrushed version of life. But Kintsugi reminds us that beauty lies in the authentic, in the unique imperfections that make us who we are. Embrace your scars, your stumbles, your quirks. They are the gold that makes your story shine.

From that vantage point, it’s easier to lift your head high and seek out the light. Do you not see it? I remember over 39 years ago, I could not see beyond the darkness, and the world around me seemed equally eclipsed. As fate would have it, my journey of crafting my own kintsugi began when I panned in the rubbish. It wasn’t the fear of judgmental stares that fueled my courage, but rather a community of open hearts, unjudging ears and warm embraces. People who saw my worth, not my cracks. Slowly, like moss finding purchase on a weathered rock, self-compassion aided me to recognize the shimmering parts of my life’s inventory, like gold dust on the wind. Accepting my fractures became the catalyst for healing. I gained a new set of eyes to see myself not as a broken vase, discarded and forgotten, but a work of art in progress.

My kintsugi journey is far from over, and, I’m guessing, neither is yours. As the new year unfolds, let us walk this path together and continue to share stories, tips and resources. Let’s kintsugi together, one shimmering piece at a time.

A New Year’s Toast: Not to Resolutions, but to Revolutions 🎇

Posted on December 26, 2023 by cattalespress under a spiritual life, Affirmations, Angels on Earth, Asking for help, Dealing with special occasions, disciplined non-conformist., Do Not Be Afraid, Dreams, Embrace Change, Faith, Faith Muscle, Faith-O-Meter, Fourth Dimension, Good over evil, Gratitude, grief relief, Healing of Memories, heartbreak, Holidays, hope, I need a miracle, inspiration, inspirational messages, joy, Living through death, Long-Term Coping Strategies, Loss of a Child, Meeting your needs, mindfulness, Natural above Normal, NEVER EVER GIVE UP!, New Year, one day at a time, Positive Change, Positive thinking, positive words of encouragement, Relationships, Sacred Space, Safe Space, seasons, Self-Care, self-value, Serendipity, Serene-diptious Moments, Simple Pleasures of Life, Sing a new song, Soul Food, special occasions, spirit-filled life, spiritual, spiritual transformation, Struggles, Support Group Resources, The God Channel, To thine own self be true, transparency, Unconditional Love, Unsung Heroes, Validate Your Feelings, Vulnerability, zen

As the clock flickers towards midnight, a familiar ritual unfolds. Champagne bubbles, confetti dances, and resolutions whisper into the starlit sky. This time, however, as the year draws to a close, let’s rewrite the script. Forget the forced resolutions, toss the tired expectations. Instead, let’s ignite a revolution within, breaking free from self-doubt and crafting a haven of self-acceptance.

And this revolution has already begun for me. It lives in the wise gifts you’ve shared: your words and kindness like vibrant brushstrokes painting light onto the canvas of my being. From your help, I’m learning to embrace vulnerability, letting my empathy shine like constellations while dancing to the rhythm of my own unfamiliar steps, waltzing with joy, tangoing with grief, and pirouetting through loss across the canvas of life.

Because of the many gifts you’ve given me, I raise my glass to you, my blogging community friends. May your untamed fires illuminate the path ahead, and may your brushstrokes of faith paint your personal masterpiece, abstract or otherwise, in the coming year. Happy New Year to you all!

Starry ⭐ Night Greetings

Posted on December 19, 2023 by cattalespress under a spiritual life, Angels on Earth, Christmas, Damage Control, Dealing with special occasions, Death, disciplined non-conformist., Do Not Be Afraid, Dreams, Embrace Change, environment, Faith, Faith Muscle, Faith-O-Meter, Fellowship, Fourth Dimension, Good over evil, Gratitude, grief, grief relief, Grieving, Healing of Memories, heartbreak, Holidays, hope, I need a miracle, inspiration, inspirational messages, joy, Living through death, Long-Term Coping Strategies, Loss of a Child, Meeting your needs, Mental Health, Mental Health, mindfulness, Natural above Normal, NEVER EVER GIVE UP!, one day at a time, Positive Change, Positive thinking, positive words of encouragement, Safe Space, seasons, Self-Care, self-value, Serendipity, Serene-diptious Moments, Simple Pleasures of Life, Sing a new song, Soul Food, special occasions, spirit-filled life, spiritual, The God Channel, Unconditional Love, Vulnerability, zen

Finding Faith and Empowerment in the December Night Sky

No matter where you live or what traditions you hold dear, I invite you to take a special moment this Monday, December 25th, when many celebrate Christmas, to simply observe the vastness of the night sky.

Above, twinkling like diamonds scattered on black velvet, are countless stars. Each one, a testament to the incredible power and mystery of the universe. Some, long extinguished and no longer with us, yet their light continues to shine. Their existence reminds us that even in the face of death, something beautiful and enduring can remain.

As you ponder the celestial dance above, allow your mind to wander beyond the limitations of our earthly existence. Imagine the countless galaxies and planets swirling through the cosmic void, each harboring untold stories and unfathomable wonders. In this vastness, we can find not only a sense of humility, but also an exhilarating sense of possibility.

So, under the watchful gaze of the night sky, take a moment to reflect, to marvel, and to find strength and inspiration for the journey ahead.

This Monday, let the stars inspire you to believe in the impossible, to dream bigger, and to reach for the light of faith.

Even when doubt whispers and darkness looms, remember your own light within you. The smallest spark can ignite a fire like the loneliest star that can guide a ship to shore. Dim or bright, unearth your light, and let it rise. Be the beacon that guides your own journey, and in doing so, illuminates the way for others lost in a starless night.

Big World, Small Part

Posted on October 24, 2023 by cattalespress under 12-Step Program, a spiritual life, Affirmations, Aging, Angels on Earth, Asking for help, Courage, Damage Control, Death, death of a child, disciplined non-conformist., Do Not Be Afraid, Dreams, Embrace Change, Faith, Faith Muscle, Faith-O-Meter, Fellowship, Fourth Dimension, Friendships, Good over evil, Gratitude, grief, grief relief, Grieving, Healing of Memories, heartbreak, hope, inspiration, inspirational messages, joy, Living through death, Living through personal crisis, Long-Term Coping Strategies, Loss of a Child, Lost youth, Meeting your needs, Natural above Normal, NEVER GIVE UP!, one day at a time, Out of Order Death, Positive Change, Positive thinking, positive words of encouragement, Problem Solving, Relationships, Sacred Space, Safe Space, seasons, Self-Care, self-value, Serendipity, Serene-diptious Moments, Simple Pleasures of Life, Sing a new song, sorrow, Soul Food, spirit-filled life, spiritual, spiritual inspirational thoughts, spiritual transformation, Struggles, Suicide Loss Survivors, Swamp of the soul, The God Channel, To thine own self be true, Turmoil, Unconditional Love, Unsung Heroes, Vulnerability, zen

If I wake up each morning reminding myself that I am not the creator of the world, I will have the balance I need to meet any circumstance, no matter how far the forces beyond my control tip the scale of my life.

This Sunday, October 29, marks 39 years since I began learning this simple truth through a 12-step program, which I believe is the greatest healer of modern times. As a 20-something-year-old with a big ego, I embarked on a humbling journey. As I approach the final chapter of my life, things did not turn out as planned, but the upshot is I am grateful for the opportunity to be a small part of a much larger universe, over which I have little control. As others have shown me by example, we can learn to appreciate the miraculous gift of embracing our limited human powers.

Cornelia is an example of one of the mentors who taught me how humility and empowerment coexist. I met her when she was in her late 60s or early 70s, and she lived into her mid-80s. Let me put it this way: when she walked into my brother’s wake as the first guest, the trembling floor beneath me turned to steel.

If it wasn’t a solemn occasion, Cornelia wore bold colors that didn’t blind you, but kidded you into believing you had a jolt of caffeine. High heels, tights, plaid skirts and crisply ironed tops, she dressed up, without fail, as if she were a presiding member on a garden club committee.

Cornelia was an expert on turning a frown into a smile. She had a compassion and love for others that was truly inspiring. This woman embraced everyone and never allowed her tragic circumstances to turn her into a victim. After losing her husband, she became a young widow. Her first son died in a freak car crash, and her second and only son, a pilot, perished in a plane crash caused by mechanical failure. These were just two of the many trials she faced throughout her life. Despite it all, she spent her final years volunteering at a local bereavement and critical illness support community center.

Don’t mistake being humble, loving, and compassionate for being a pushover. Cornelia fought for justice in her life and rarely failed to obtain it when it was due.

Cornelia’s example taught me to stand tall. After one of her endless pep talks, I approached my nemesis head-on, armed with her grace, dignity, humility, and an unbreakable sense of empowerment.

“Hold your head up. Always. Carry the program with you,” she said. To this day, I align myself with her advice, for that is the legacy of love she left me.

I remember the last time we went out for dinner. The sun was setting, and the sky was ablaze with color. We reached out and held hands, and we reveled in the silence of the miraculous creation around us. I felt her steel side holding me up, as it still does when I need it the most.

You can’t possibly spend nearly two decades with someone like Cornelia and not grow small in a miraculous way. Recently, my watching a sunset brought her back to me. The sky radiant with the colors she wore to celebrate life, even when she was maneuvering through a personal swamp of grief and loss.

I took a breath and closed my eyes. Recalling the warmth of Cornelia’s palm in mine, I felt peace envelop me. I opened my eyes and looked around. The trees were tall and majestic, and the sunny-side up marigolds were still in full bloom, past the halfway mark of October.

I reminded myself that I was a part of all this wonder. I was a part of nature. I was a part of the universe. I shrank in size. My problems and my concerns were not the most important things in the world. But I also felt connected. I felt loved, humbled by it all. Empowered to know that it is possible to find gratitude in the rubble, and all I had to do to gain this great insight was to step outside, stop and settle down long enough to take it all in.

Just before indigo bled into the the sky’s mighty pageantry, I heard Cornelia’s final earthly words to me that help me keep the faith:

You are loved.
You are worthy.
You are enough.

Daring Duo

Posted on August 1, 2023 by cattalespress under Courage, Depression, disciplined non-conformist., Do Not Be Afraid, Dreams, Embrace Change, emotions, Faith, Faith Muscle, Faith-O-Meter, Family, Fellowship, Good over evil, Gratitude, grief relief, Grieving, Growing Up, Healing of Memories, heartbreak, hope, humor, I need a miracle, inspiration, inspirational messages, joy, Letting Go, Living through death, Living through personal crisis, Long-Term Coping Strategies, Loss of a Child, Lost youth, Meeting your needs, Mental Health, Mental Health, Natural above Normal, NEVER EVER GIVE UP!, NEVER GIVE UP!, Nightmares, one day at a time, Out of Order Death, Positive Change, Positive thinking, positive words of encouragement, Problem Solving, PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder), Relationships, Sacred Space, Safe Space, seasons, Self-Care, self-value, Serendipity, Serene-diptious Moments, Sing a new song, sorrow, Soul Food, spirit-filled life, spiritual, spiritual inspirational thoughts, spiritual transformation, Struggles, Suicide Loss Survivors, Swamp of the soul, The God Channel, To thine own self be true, transparency, trauma, Turmoil, Unconditional Love, Unsung Heroes, Vulnerability, What you resist persists, zen

In Memory of Sinéad O’Connor, 1966-2023

For years, my mom and I had a daily telephone ritual. When she called, her words, “How are you?” would slam me right through the phone like a bowling ball hitting a strike.

“Fine!” I would reply.

Things were never fine with my mom. Never. And, sooner or later, she’d push, and I’d be cornered into telling her the truth about what was really going on in our household, whether it involved the car breaking down or my kids losing their lunch money. Interestingly, I felt better after unloading the daily grievances.

Then my mom would often complain about the behavior of a few people — sometimes including me. She had her favorite targets, and I would sometimes find her complaints humorous, while other times I found them downright mean. But I always listened, because it would eventually turn out that she was right. At least 99% of the time.

It was as if she had a special lens that detected everyone’s flaws. She didn’t hold back; she was always honest, even if it was painful to hear. Admittedly, I spent years trying to hush her up, soften and polish her, but she continued to speak her mind. Period.

Finally, after I had children of my own, I eased up on my mom and gave her the space she needed to be herself. In fact, I owe a great debt to my children, because they were the ones who taught me just how endearing my mom was despite all her imperfections. Once I could step back from my own expectations and give her the space, I saw her humor, her creativity, and her incredible insights and sparks — many, many sparks! I was able to change my behavior toward her by asking myself the question, “Who was I to kill her spirit?”

Over the years, as I experienced betrayal and deception from others in my life, I appreciated my mom even more. She was my anchor, because I always knew where I stood with her.

As I backed off and eased up on my judgments of her, she learned the importance of tact and discretion on her own. She learned that sometimes, it’s better to say nothing at all. And this resulted from my not intervening and trying to mold her character in my image!

What I appreciate most about my mom is that she taught me the importance of having a voice by her own example. She was who she was, flaws and all.

I reflected a lot on my mom last week after I heard that Sinéad O’Connor had passed away. You wouldn’t think that the two women had much in common, but they shared a solidarity of pain and a few other things that connected them.

Anyway, I heard the news on the radio while I was driving in the car. “We have some sad news. The great Irish singer, Sinéad O’Connor, has passed away,” the news anchor announced. “She was 56 years old.”

My hands gripped the steering wheel tighter as I listened to the report. A wave of shock and sadness washed over me. I pulled over to the side of the road and started crying. As much as I couldn’t believe it, it was something I had worried about after the talented woman’s son, Shane, had died by suicide a year ago.

I felt as if I had lost yet another partner in our solidarity in pain. I sat there for a few minutes, just crying and listening to her music that the station started to play in a tribute to the late singer. No denying, she was a spitfire, but she was so much more.

Often when people hurt and grieve, they fall deeply inward. What never ceased to amaze me was how during her grief journey, Sinéad did not forget about other mothers who were in her position. She may have suffered from grief and mental illnesses, but she made room to remember others who hurt.

If you could look past her infamous moments, many of which were misunderstood and none of which she regretted, Sinéad O’Connor was a lifelong advocate for the vulnerable and, in essence, gave so many people faith and hope. In fact, during one of her interviews, she said she wanted her concerts to represent a church for some audience members, a place where they could find faith and hope.

I thought about how many people she had helped over the years. She had given them a voice, a platform, and a sense of community. She had shown them that they were not alone, and that they were worthy of love and respect.

Our society often encourages people to have diverse voices, stands and opinions. However, it is also true that people who speak out against the status quo, especially against the principles of the norm, often face backlash. Sinéad, like my mom, spoke their truth, even in the face of opposition. My dear friend Kit always reminded me that it’s easy to blend in with the crowd, but it takes real courage to be the lone voice of dissent.

Taking a deep breath, I started the car. I would go home and listen to Sinéad’s music some more. I would cry some more, but I would also remember the times when I was young and single, feeling as if I were the only person on Earth. But when I turned on the radio and heard Sinéad’s voice, I found the strength to not only keep moving, but to even kick up my heels and dance.

I imagined Sinéad, hopefully, finally at peace alongside her beloved son. I saw her calling it the way she saw it, in the company of my mom, their spitfire spirits floating around, sparking their own brand of music, driving everybody batty but never backing down.

I knew that the two spitfire figures would continue to inspire me, even in death. They had taught me the importance of speaking my truth, even when it was difficult. They taught me that it was okay to be different and that it was possible to find strength in your pain.