Beyond Grand Beginnings

Posted on February 27, 2024 by cattalespress under a spiritual life, acceptance, Death, death of a child, disciplined non-conformist., Do Not Be Afraid, Embrace Change, Faith, Faith Muscle, Faith-O-Meter, grief, hope, I need a miracle, inspiration, inspirational messages, joy, Living through death, Long-Term Coping Strategies, Natural above Normal, NEVER EVER GIVE UP!, one day at a time, Relationships, seasons, spirit-filled life, spiritual, spiritual inspirational thoughts, spiritual transformation, Struggles, To thine own self be true, transparency, trauma, Unsung Heroes, Validate Your Feelings, Vulnerability, What you resist persists, zen

“I have no words.”

A common refrain in the face of tragedy, often dismissed as a platitude.

But in Akin’s stream of thought, a main character in Stay With Me, Ayobami Adebayo reveals a powerful truth: Sometimes, the most profound emotions reside in the absence of words.

“I realized that the ground under our feet had just been pulled away, we were standing on air, and my words could not keep us from falling into the pit that had opened up beneath.”

Through grief, we confront the universal cavity life eventually carves, a void even the most eloquent language cannot fill. That’s Akin’s experience when he grapples with the devastating loss of his second child and is forced to reveal the truth to his wife, Yejide.

Without revealing the entire powerful story of Stay with Me by Ayobami Adebayo, let me say this: it’s a poignant exploration of love, loss, and the intricate bonds of family. While it delves into sensitive topics and doesn’t shy away from life’s harsh realities (trigger warnings advised), it also offers a captivating portrayal of Nigerian culture and societal pressures in the 1980s.

Can Yejide and Akin, the central characters, rise above their suffering? To answer that, we must first define what constitutes suffering and what defines strength? Does abandonment, for example, truly shield us from pain or, simply, compound matters?

If you haven’t read the book, prepare for twists and turns, even taboo ones.

The reason Stay With Me resonates with me is that the novel’s message transcends the specific narrative. It challenges the notion of starting life with grand expectations of a perfect world. Instead, it urges us to embrace reality – a reality where loss is inevitable, where storms are guaranteed. It’s in navigating these storms, in weathering the tides of hardship until true faith reveals itself.

While I was immersed in Stay With Me, my friend Pat presented me with Winter of the Heart, Finding Your Way through the Mystery of Grief, by Paula D’Arcy. This book, gifted to Pat by a mother who had lost her daughter to suicide, was part of a grief resource bundle. As I delved into its pages, I realized the uncanny connection – both books explored profound themes of loss and grief, making Pat’s gift feel divinely timed and deeply meaningful.

Here’s an excerpt from a section called, It’s Your Turn from Winter of the Heart: Although loss feels personal and isolating, it’s common to all humankind. Countless men and women have traveled this road; many are walking with us right now. The book of Ecclesiastes repeats the phrase “There is a time.” It’s true. Eventually there is a time when we all lose someone or something of great value to us. We expect grief in the wake of deep loss, but even everyday losses and unmet expectations may surprise us with force. The common experience of loss binds us all. We will each take a turn one day; we cannot escape life. We can only meet our circumstances with a deepening awareness of what it means to live life fully.

Instead of chasing some nebulous concept of “happiness,” what if we set our sights on a life that’s full? Consider the dictionary definition of “full”: packed to the brim, complete, lacking nothing. Now, compare that to “happy”: a fleeting state of well-being and contentment.

Life typically isn’t a neatly plotted story with a guaranteed happy ending. Nor does it have to contain a heart-wrenching Stay by Me plot line. But in a full life, the twists and turns, the moments navigated by blind faith, become chapters in a rich and vibrant story.

“I have no words,” becomes a celebration of life’s unpredictable nature. Because in a full life, the ending isn’t written yet. It’s an open book, waiting to be filled with the messy, magnificent adventure that is called your life.

_{Photo by Daniele Levis Pelusi on Unsplash}

Salty Renewal: Reconnecting with Nature on the Beach

Posted on February 20, 2024 by cattalespress under a spiritual life, Courage, death of a child, disciplined non-conformist., Do Not Be Afraid, Dreams, Embrace Change, emotions, Faith, Faith Muscle, Faith-O-Meter, Fourth Dimension, Friendships, Good over evil, Gratitude, grief, grief relief, Grieving, Healing of Memories, heartbreak, hope, I need a miracle, inspiration, inspirational messages, joy, Letting Go, Living through death, Living through personal crisis, Long-Term Coping Strategies, Loss of a Child, Meeting your needs, mindfulness, Natural above Normal, NEVER EVER GIVE UP!, one day at a time, Out of Order Death, Positive Change, Positive thinking, positive words of encouragement, Prayer & Meditation, Problem Solving, Relationships, Sacred Space, Safe Space, seasons, Self-Care, self-value, Serendipity, Serene-diptious Moments, Simple Pleasures of Life, Sing a new song, sorrow, Soul Food, spirit-filled life, spiritual, spiritual inspirational thoughts, spiritual transformation, Struggles, Suicide Loss Survivors, The God Channel, To thine own self be true, transparency, trauma, Validate Your Feelings, Vulnerability, What you resist persists, zen

The wind howled, whipping my hair into a frenzy as I stood on the familiar shoreline of Sherwood Island State Park. It was one of the windiest days of the winter, yet there I was, drawn by an unseen force to this place of memories from my young adulthood, offering me once again a refuge I desperately needed.

Suddenly, tears welled up, hot and heavy. Tears for George, for the loss of a dear friend, for the fleeting nature of youth, and for the profound absence of my son, gone too soon just over four years ago. It were as if my defenses had crumbled, leaving me raw and exposed to the harsh winds of life.

The release of pent-up grief became a cleansing storm, mirroring the fury of the wind around me. And then, nearly an hour later, something shifted. Exhausted, but paradoxically refreshed, I looked around. The wind still raged, but the world seemed sharper, more vibrant and my senses heightened, my heart open to the raw beauty of life.

_{^{Sherwood Island State Park, Copyright © Stacy Lytwyn Maxwell 2024}}

In that moment, faith wasn’t about words or doctrines. It was about the wind in my hair, the sand beneath my sneakers, the immensity of the ocean stretching out before me. It was about feeling fully alive, without restraints or judgments, simply existing in the present moment.

_{^{Copyright © Stacy Lytwyn Maxwell 2024}}

As I returned to my car, three small, smooth, white stones caught my eye, each one whispering tales of the sea. They were like perfect replacements for the missing ones I’d left at my son’s gravesite – the ones inscribed with our family’s names, now likely swallowed by the earth. Clutching the newfound stones in my palm, I carried them back, already picturing them marked and repurposed. It felt like a symbolic victory, a reclaiming of strength after weathering the storm.

I realized the wind still felt strong, however there was a lightness to it that intensified my sense of victory. I had faced my pain, embraced the rawness of life, and emerged feeling more connected, more alive than ever before. The beach buoyed me up as it always had and reminded me that even in the midst of grief, life persists, an ever-changing evolution, ever-renewing, just like the tide rolling in and out, forever constant, forever powerful.

Remember, your faith may not look like someone else’s, but it doesn’t make it any less valid. Trust your own journey, find solace in the unexpected, and know that you are never truly alone.

In Honor of❤️Valentine’s Day: A Ballad of Shrapnel🥀and Roses🌹

Posted on February 13, 2024 by cattalespress under 12-Step Program, a spiritual life, Aging, Angels on Earth, Courage, disciplined non-conformist., Do Not Be Afraid, Exposure Therapy, Faith, Faith Muscle, Faith-O-Meter, Fellowship, Fourth Dimension, Friendships, Good over evil, Gratitude, grief, Healing of Memories, Holidays, hope, I need a miracle, inspiration, inspirational messages, joy, Living through death, Military, Natural above Normal, NEVER EVER GIVE UP!, one day at a time, Positive Change, Positive thinking, positive words of encouragement, PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder), Relationships, seasons, Self-Compassion, Serendipity, Serene-diptious Moments, Soul Food, spirit-filled life, spiritual, spiritual inspirational thoughts, spiritual transformation, Strength through Stories, Struggles, The God Channel, To thine own self be true, transparency, trauma, Unconditional Love, Unsung Heroes, Validate Your Feelings, Veterans, Vulnerability, war, zen

Beyond whispered sweet nothings over candlelight dinners, chocolates and bouquets of roses and all the feel-good-stuff associated with Valentine’s Day, which is tomorrow, let’s delve deeper into love’s transformative power, particularly its ability to mend the shrapnel of trauma, as well as war’s brutal scars.

Two weeks ago I wrote a blog post about George, a combat marine veteran, and mentioned his dedication to fellow vets.

But what about his own wounds? Those battlefields that weren’t confined to Vietnam. PTSD, an unseen enemy, gnawed at him, and at another friend, Mike, a combat army vet, for decades. In fact, Mike supported my own brother, Mike, who passed away in 2002, for numerous years through his own PTSD from Vietnam. A community of brothers.

Anyway, George and Mike returned to Vietnam, not with weapons, but with open hearts, decades after their service in Vietnam. That trip, fueled by a desperate need for closure, turned into an unexpected journey of healing.

Mike paints the story, saying that during their stay, the two men had reserved two rooms at an upscale resort in Ho Chi Minh City, formerly known as Saigon. Unable to sleep during their first 24 hours there, it was four in the morning when they found themselves sitting outdoors in front of the resort.

“What the hell are we doing here?” As they looked at each other, the words ricocheted between them, each syllable a deafening shot.

Over the time span, the familiar sights, smells, sounds – initially triggers for nightmares – became catalysts for forgiveness. Four different trips, four chances to confront the ghosts of war, hand in hand, not as combatants, but as brothers bound by shared pain soaked in the balm of love.

Not to minimize the undeniable charm that exchanging Valentine’s Day greeting cards hold, but the most transformative power of love lies in venturing into the darkest corners of our own souls. Armed with nothing but self-compassion, we confront our demons, not with clenched fists, but with arms outstretched, ready to embrace every shadow, every scar. This is where forgiveness blooms for the wounded parts of ourselves. The process, as both George and Mike attested to, is far from painless, but we are able to emerge and, as a result, forgive. In the end, the metamorphosis of love does not contort us, but transforms us. Only then can our giving unconditional love become a routine sacrifice.

And faith? Faith isn’t only about blind belief in a distant deity. It’s the necessary starting point that jump started both men in their first journey: believing in the inherent goodness within us, even when buried beneath layers of pain. It’s about trusting that love, like sunlight, can penetrate even the most hardened hearts, coaxing forgiveness and healing to bloom.

This Valentine’s Day, let’s reimagine love’s battlefield. We needn’t travel 8,810 miles as these courageous men did on their return trips to Vietnam. Sometimes, the hardest acts of forgiveness lie not on distant horizons, but right under our own roofs. Those closest to us, navigating their own internal battles, might unknowingly leave emotional minefields in their wake. But remember, beneath the surface, they too might be hurting, carrying invisible wounds from their own experiences. In these moments, victory through dominance is impossible.

Let our weapons be kindness, our armor vulnerability, and our victory measured not in conquests, but in the quiet bonds of compassion forged. A listening ear, a gentle touch, a heart overflowing with love – these are the silent artillery we bring to bear against the residue of past hurts. Love becomes our exposure therapy, dissolving the scars and ushering in a future bathed in the golden light of reconciliation. Even if you’re the sole bearer of the white flag, remember, this isn’t about waging unwinnable wars; it’s about mending the tapestry of a wounded soul.

❤️Happy Valentine’s Day! ❤️Whether you celebrate with loved ones, cherish quiet moments of self-love, or simply reflect on the power of connection, may this day remind you of love’s transformative power. May your heart be filled with gratitude, compassion, and the courage to share love in all its forms.

In the Pause, All is Well

Posted on February 6, 2024 by cattalespress under a spiritual life, Affirmations, Aging, Angels on Earth, Courage, disciplined non-conformist., Do Not Be Afraid, Dreams, Embrace Change, Faith, Faith Muscle, Faith-O-Meter, Fellowship, Fourth Dimension, Friendships, Good over evil, Gratitude, grief, grief relief, Grieving, Healing of Memories, heartbreak, hope, I need a miracle, inspiration, inspirational messages, joy, Letting Go, Living through death, Living through personal crisis, Long-Term Coping Strategies, Loss of a Child, Meeting your needs, mindfulness, Natural above Normal, NEVER EVER GIVE UP!, one day at a time, Positive Change, Positive thinking, positive words of encouragement, Problem Solving, Relationships, Sacred Space, seasons, Self-Care, Serendipity, Serene-diptious Moments, sorrow, Soul Food, spirit-filled life, spiritual, spiritual inspirational thoughts, spiritual transformation, Struggles, Suicide Loss Survivors, The God Channel, To thine own self be true, transparency, Validate Your Feelings, Vulnerability, zen

Life, isn’t it a curious thing? One moment, basking in the warm hum of sunlight, the next, trudging through knee-deep burdens and sorrows. Shoulders that once held dreams become stooped under the weight of worries, the ache in our hearts echoing the echo of unanswered prayers. We carry loved ones lost, dreams delayed, anxieties that whisper tensions into our ears.

That’s how I feel often, like a melody stuck on repeat, minor key and somber. Even the sunlight seems to carry a nameless weight that is all too familiar. Then, in the midst of that personal symphony of despair, on my way to George’s funeral mass, a song washed over me, unexpected and pure. “Only Passing Through,” it whispered, sung by voices I didn’t recognize, The Taylors, they called themselves.

Since I first heard it that morning on the radio, I’ve been listening to it, a gift of faith in the midst of mourning. I haven’t looked the group up, purposefully. This song, it carries no dogma, no sermons veiled in melody. Metaphorically, you can say that it simply sings of journeys and departures, of resting places beyond horizons. You can say that it speaks of life as a passing train, each stop a pause, a goodbye laced with the promise of a hello.

When the darkness presses in, the chorus of “Only passing through” rises, a gentle reminder that this isn’t all there is.

The song helps me to get through the noise, take a moment, close my eyes. Listen. I find peace in knowing that I am just at another bend in the track, leading me closer to that final, glorious station, bathed in the light of eternity.

P.S. Maybe one day I’ll look up The Taylors. But for now, I’ll pass. Clear mind, open heart, and a whispered ‘all is well’ at the moment.