Exposure Therapy | WTF? (Where's the faith?)

Sometimes life’s curveballs land right between you and the people who once mattered the most. When you are young, navigating the complexities of life and friendships, your emotions can get tangled up in arguments and hurt feelings. Distance may create walls that seem impossible to climb. But the aging process has helped create a shift in some of my most difficult relationships. I believe this change is because we are beginning to view the world through a different lens, one etched with the wisdom of time and the stark reality of life’s impermanence.

A few weeks ago, for instance, a group of us had gathered for a brunch at my house that reminded me of the incredible power of time and forgiveness.

The atmosphere was electric – in the best way possible. We reminisced about old times, poked fun at each other with gentle jabs. We listened to stories, to dreams simmered and unshaped, the paths we’d taken as a result. What struck me most was the overwhelming sense of love. In spite of all the tough times, we were still here, still connected by a shared history. Everyone left that brunch feeling lighter, closer, and reminded that even the most strained relationships can be nurtured back to health, like a wilted flower receiving a much-needed shower.

A friend once shared a truth that stayed with me: in the kitchen, surrounded by the murmur of conversation, a home finds its heart.

A week after the brunch, I received a thank-you note from one of the group. It was a simple gesture, a few heartfelt lines, but one sentence struck a chord deep within me: “Your house is so warm.”

It might sound simple, but those words meant the world to me. Throughout my life, I’ve always dreamed of having a “warm house.” The warmth I’d craved wasn’t about square footage or architectural style. My desire resided in a place that radiated not just heat, but feelings of belonging, comfort and love.

And here I was, feeling as if I was living the dream. The recent brunch served as a sweet confirmation of our 23-year journey, filled with joyous celebrations and moments of shared sorrow. An important reminder of the enduring connection that fills every corner of my house.

The world around us might change, relationships might evolve, but some things remain constant: the fragility of life, the power of forgiveness, and the enduring warmth of a welcoming home. A place that reflects the camaraderie shared not just in meals to feed the stomach, but in the nourishment of “soul” food exchanged and savored.

Beyond whispered sweet nothings over candlelight dinners, chocolates and bouquets of roses and all the feel-good-stuff associated with Valentine’s Day, which is tomorrow, let’s delve deeper into love’s transformative power, particularly its ability to mend the shrapnel of trauma, as well as war’s brutal scars.

Two weeks ago I wrote a blog post about George, a combat marine veteran, and mentioned his dedication to fellow vets.

But what about his own wounds? Those battlefields that weren’t confined to Vietnam. PTSD, an unseen enemy, gnawed at him, and at another friend, Mike, a combat army vet, for decades. In fact, Mike supported my own brother, Mike, who passed away in 2002, for numerous years through his own PTSD from Vietnam. A community of brothers.

Anyway, George and Mike returned to Vietnam, not with weapons, but with open hearts, decades after their service in Vietnam. That trip, fueled by a desperate need for closure, turned into an unexpected journey of healing.

Mike paints the story, saying that during their stay, the two men had reserved two rooms at an upscale resort in Ho Chi Minh City, formerly known as Saigon. Unable to sleep during their first 24 hours there, it was four in the morning when they found themselves sitting outdoors in front of the resort.

“What the hell are we doing here?” As they looked at each other, the words ricocheted between them, each syllable a deafening shot.

Over the time span, the familiar sights, smells, sounds – initially triggers for nightmares – became catalysts for forgiveness. Four different trips, four chances to confront the ghosts of war, hand in hand, not as combatants, but as brothers bound by shared pain soaked in the balm of love.

Not to minimize the undeniable charm that exchanging Valentine’s Day greeting cards hold, but the most transformative power of love lies in venturing into the darkest corners of our own souls. Armed with nothing but self-compassion, we confront our demons, not with clenched fists, but with arms outstretched, ready to embrace every shadow, every scar. This is where forgiveness blooms for the wounded parts of ourselves. The process, as both George and Mike attested to, is far from painless, but we are able to emerge and, as a result, forgive. In the end, the metamorphosis of love does not contort us, but transforms us. Only then can our giving unconditional love become a routine sacrifice.

And faith? Faith isn’t only about blind belief in a distant deity. It’s the necessary starting point that jump started both men in their first journey: believing in the inherent goodness within us, even when buried beneath layers of pain. It’s about trusting that love, like sunlight, can penetrate even the most hardened hearts, coaxing forgiveness and healing to bloom.

This Valentine’s Day, let’s reimagine love’s battlefield. We needn’t travel 8,810 miles as these courageous men did on their return trips to Vietnam. Sometimes, the hardest acts of forgiveness lie not on distant horizons, but right under our own roofs. Those closest to us, navigating their own internal battles, might unknowingly leave emotional minefields in their wake. But remember, beneath the surface, they too might be hurting, carrying invisible wounds from their own experiences. In these moments, victory through dominance is impossible.

Let our weapons be kindness, our armor vulnerability, and our victory measured not in conquests, but in the quiet bonds of compassion forged. A listening ear, a gentle touch, a heart overflowing with love – these are the silent artillery we bring to bear against the residue of past hurts. Love becomes our exposure therapy, dissolving the scars and ushering in a future bathed in the golden light of reconciliation. Even if you’re the sole bearer of the white flag, remember, this isn’t about waging unwinnable wars; it’s about mending the tapestry of a wounded soul.

❤️Happy Valentine’s Day! ❤️Whether you celebrate with loved ones, cherish quiet moments of self-love, or simply reflect on the power of connection, may this day remind you of love’s transformative power. May your heart be filled with gratitude, compassion, and the courage to share love in all its forms.